SECTION SEVEN 

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COLUMN NINETY-FOUR, JULY 1, 2003
(Copyright © 2003 The Blacklisted Journalist)

PART SIX OF MY MEMOIRS:
SADIE THE PSYCHIC


(Drawing by Ed Galing)

WARNING!  FOR ADULTS ONLY!  PERSONS NOT YET 18 YEARS OF AGE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS STORY.

AUTHORS NOTE

[SADIE HATHAWAY AND I HAVE HAD A LONG RELATIONSHIP.  I AM.HAPPY THAT SHE CHOSE ME TO WRITE HER MEMOIRS FOR HER...  I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED SADIE'S SASSINESS AND SPUNK AND, BESIDES, SHE IS A SEXY LADY, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOW SIXTY YEARS OLD. (I AM PUSHING 85) AND SADIE DOES NOT MINCE HER WORDS, AS YOU CAN SEE WHEN YOU READ HER MEMOIRS---WHICH SHE DICTATED TO ME OVER A FEW WEEKS.  I HAVE LEFT HER WORDS UNTOUCHED---EVEN THE BAWDY ONES. FOR I DONíT REALLY WANT TO DISTURB HER PERSONALITY.  BENEATH IT ALL, YOU WILL FIND SADIE A SYMPATHETIC AND HONEST LADY WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE A PSYCHIC (SO SHE SAYS) AND WHO WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO MEET SOME REAL HOLLYWOOD PERSONALITIES OF HER TIME.. THERE ISNT A BAD BONE IN HER BODY.  LONG LIVE SADIE! ---ED GALING, POET LAUREATE OF HATBORO, PENNSYLVANIA]

hedda hopper, you gotta understand, was one tough broad... she knew everyone in hollywood and probably had slept with every producer and director in town. she wore some of the craziest hats ... big, tall things, with lots of feathers in them.. that was her trademark... hats.. all kinds... and she had a temper like no one ever saw, and when she let loose you heard all kinds of words... even worse than my own.. she wasn't above punching someone in the jaw, or slapping someone if she didnt like you ... hedda was not married... except to her job... she had the largest circulation of any newspaper in the country, and was also on the radio, like walter winchell ... and what distinguished her was that she hated louella parsons with a passion ... louella was a big, fat broad, with a heavy mass and a voice that was sweet as syrup, but look out... louella also had her following, too... she snooped into everybodys private life.. big star or little... when gene raymond, the blonde male movie star, shacked up with loretta young, she was the first one to know ... when jean harlow found out her husband paul bern was a queer after she married him, boy, the headlines on that one!!!

jean harlow was blonde, petite, and pretty, had those rosebud lips that men liked to kiss and she had an ample bosom, even bigger than my own ... a coupla times i had done a reading for jean harlow... she liked my style and the way i talked, and once, sitting at my table, she smiled and said, sadie, why the fuck do you bother to tell fortunes? why the hell aint you in the movies, like me? you got a pretty ass, and you're young... and you could be a star, like me. that's the way jean harlow was, real honest, like me.

so i shook my head and said, jean honey, thereís just too much pressure in being a movie star.. everybody wants to lay you, and you gotta get plenty of lays to get to the top, like you.

that would make her mad and she would say, you mean to tell me i am a whore, sadie? i dont just sleep around with everyone... besides, i am getting married to paul bern soon.

Yeah, i said sadly, and then i gave her the bombshell..

you aint gonna have a good honeymoon, jean, i tells her, cause my crystal ball tells me he's as queer as a three dollar bill ... he loves the boys, jean.

you gotta be wrong, says jean angrily, why the fuck would he marry me then?

well, i says, he does like you jean... everyone does... but he just wants it to look like he is straight,


Hedda said Sadie
had the nicest set of tits
Hedda ever saw


that's all ... he just cant get the dang≠ thing up, jean... you'll see.

well, jean left in a huff, mad as hell at me... but what the hell... sadie tells it like it is, and a few days after the wedding she found out for herself...

well, i hope that he at least gave her a little lick in the muff, or somethin... she deserved that much...

jean harlow went on to make a few more movies, and the best one was hells angels, about world war one, and the people loved the movie... and richard arlen was the tall, handsome aviator who played her leading man, and they fell in love on the set and went to bed... i think he was man enough to satisfy jean...

it wasn't till much later that jean harlow died a mean death, from an overdose of pills or somethin. poor jean.. if only she had listened to sadie the psychic back then...

now back to hedda hopper...one day she comes knocking on my door, and the butler we had lets here in, and she is real haughty like always, and she says to me, sadie, me and you are gonna get together...

we are? i ask. Yes, we are, says hedda tersely. now i want you to give me the best reading you got, first...

what the hell do you think i am, a bargain basement? i declare... you get whatever the crystal ball says, nuthin else...

anyway, she sits down, grabs my hand# and says, listen, sadie, fuck this bullshit... i could care less about my fortune. i want to get even with that louella parsons bitch, that fat whore... always stealin my leads... talkin against me... i want you to do me a favor...

what is that? i ask her, my hackles startin to rise. i want you to throw a party in your home... oh, i will pay for it... get all the big movie stars, producers, everyone together... have a banquet... then i want you to play snoop for me... tape record everyone you can... get the hottest scoop and pass it on to me...

you gotta helluva nerve, i tells hedda, i dont go around tapin my friends...

i know you don't, she says calmly, but maybe this check in my pocket will....

she opens her purse and shows me a check made out in the sum of one million dollars ... but no name on it...

this could be all yours, whispers hedda, and i will gladly put your name on it and make you rich if you do what i says...

i keep thinkin, a million bucks! i could strike out on my own... i would get rid of this fuckin mansion i live in... i dont need it anyways and take off on my own ... around the world... anything... get away from all this shit...

all i have to do is tape record some of these phony bastards in hollywood, and give the tape to hedda... she could do what she wants with it...

is it a deal? hedda whispers, patting my hand. i know you are a very intelligent girl, she says, or you would not be a psychic in the first place.. all i want to do is scoop that big fat ass louella right off the map... what can you lose?

only my self esteem, i keep thinkin, and all the friends i made in hollywood... all my hard work, my good name would go up in smoke once they find out i taped them all... got their most intimate secrets...

just think, hedda whispers again, her tongue lickin her lips, a million dollars... and all good money too... i have plenty left, sadie...

i will even provide you with the tape recorder she adds with a smile, you can hide them between your tits... i swear, no one will know... and you got the nicest set of tits i ever saw, sadie...

that's when i decided to accept her offer. anyone who likes my tits... especially hedda... can't be all bad.  ##

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