COLUMN SEVENTY-EIGHT, NOVEMBER 1, 2002
(Copyright © 2002 The Blacklisted Journalist)
11 SEPTEMBER, 2002
"Now I guess I hafta tell 'em...that I've got no cerebelum"
Today is my
fourth wedding anniversary. It is
also the day of the terrorist attack on the USA. Coincidence? Well...I never do
anything half-ass, ask anyone. All jokes aside, I got married long before a
crazed zealot got behind the controls of a plane and kamakazied it into a tower
full of people. However, I now get
to get laughed at and sideways looks for having been married on a day that will
be forever marked as one of the blackest in North American (if not the world)
As Dirty Hairy
once said...."Swell..." It's
not like we could have foreseen this disaster and planned around it.
We gotta muster with the cards we've been dealt...I'm still kind of
amazed by the Left Wing backlash against retaliation.
As I type this,
one of the Mouldylocks is sitting in front of me at the next terminal humming a
Beatles tune. I'm serious, I can't
make this stuff up. Gold is Gold, my friends, Gold is Gold.
Back to what I was saying...if the USA is the Biggest Bully On The Block,
as the Left claims, then by their reasoning, it's okay to lash out at the bully
by not killing the bully, but by killing everyone on the playground.
I find it really hard to take that they can so casually dismiss the fact that all of these people are dead, simply because their country of origin happens to be the Red White and Blue. As if simply
. .I'd like to kick a Red in the ass once a day,
like taking a vitamin. . .'
makes it okay to kill them. I have
to take my stance again, I'd like to kick a Red in the ass once a day, like
taking a vitamin. I think it would
do both of us some good. But then again, that's just me...
Lightfoot, Canadian Folk Legend, was hospitalized this week due to some sort of
secretive stomach complications. Lightfoot,
possibly the second man most covered in bulging veins next to punk legend Iggy
Pop, was critical then stable. Yes,
this is the biggest news in Saskatchewan, next to Groundhog Day.
So, please, let me pause to serenade you all with some classic Lightfoot:
highyway...every highway...uhhh...every...highway..." nevermind...He is
expected to recover shortly and resume his tour. Despite his age, Lightfoot is an exercise junkie, running
five miles a day and working out with weights three times a week.
It is rumoured that he does several Pilates videos at night and even owns
a copy of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' To The Oldies, although none of this
has been substantiated. Sources
close to Lightfoot say:
far cry from his usual workout routine back in the old days, namely, hookers and
coke." Get well soon Gordy!
I am now
sporting a jarhead haircut. It's
true. I went down to Jimmy's Barbershop today and got a cut by Alphonse. The
barbershop, last bastion of
Man Land. Smell
it. All you emasculated generic
boys---OUT!! If you cried this week
and enjoyed the movie Beaches---OUT!!
There, I said it. I feel
As an aside,
plans are in the works to get yours truly a slot on part of a 13-minute doohaa
on CBC Radio, reading poetry. Far out...I've gone commercial...as commercial as
the most boring radio station in history can get, I guess.
It's no secret, I hate the CBC and pretty much everything it stands for.
But, exposure is exposure. More
details to follow on this subject as they develop...
Well kids, I
have to go home, shower, shave, put on my funky bests and get ready to take
Jenny out on the town. Hope all is
well on your end.
Kill 'em All,
Take Their Ears For Trophies...
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