SECTION THIRTEEN
POETRY PAGE SEVEN
sm
COLUMN
FIFTY-EIGHT, APRIL 1, 2001
(Copyright © 2001 Al Aronowitz)
[Eliot Katz is the author of Unlocking the Exits
(Coffee House Press, 1999), and a coeditor of Poems for the Nation (Seven
Stories Press, 2000), a collection of political poems compiled by the late poet,
Allen Ginsberg.]
SPECIAL
UP-TO-THE-MINUTE ELECTION UPDATE
Wait--they've
just announced in the interest of smooth governing,
Bill
Clinton is being given four more years
wait--they've
just announced Gore-Lieberman will take Mondays,
Wednesdays, & Fridays; Bush-Cheney Tuesday, Thursday, &
Saturday; Lieberman wasn't going to
work Saturdays anyway
wait--they've
just reported the Bush team has gone to court to prevent
judicialization of the elections
wait--the
Bully Rule has gone into effect--Bush's guys have asked
Gore to say Uncle one too many times, Vince McMahon
has
declared Gore the winner by default
wait--since
the Bush team says a hand count will show a different total
than the computer, all elections the last 30 years have been
invalidated
wait--the
results of a CNN tracking poll show the news media having
a lot more fun than covering Elian and OJ
wait--leaked
Republican memo equates manual recount with oral sex
wait--what
if Florida's initial exit poll was correct in counting the
intentions of West Palm Beach voters?
wait--the
big lesson Election Day Missouri is that people prefer dead
guys to living politicians
wait--19,000
ballots thrown out here, 27,000 there--what's going on?
there seem to be voting irregularities anywhere the press looks
wait--Ralph
Nader has been declared President for inadvertently showing
how dysfunctional U.S. presidential elections have become
wait--Bush
says elections dragging too long, hurting the country--
Michael Moore has asked him to write President Al Gore on the
blackboard
10,000 times
wait--a
courageous army general has just announced she would
support any candidate with courage to cut military budget
in
half
wait--since
neither candidate proposed important helpful policies,
with Republicans winning Congress, Gore has been
certified
President For The Sake Of Legislative Gridlock
wait--wouldn't
it be ugly to decide first election with a Jewish person
on major ticket by throwing away thousands of
elderly
Jewish votes
wait--has
anyone counted the number of Blacks and Latinos
interrogated by Jeb Patrol at side of the road?
wait--Bush
has an important policy revision to announce--as he
enters federal court, he no longer thinks states know best
wait--the
Book Rule has been called into effect: 90% of Electoral
College voters will refuse cast votes for any candidate
who
doesn't read books
wait--they've
decided anyone who can't decisively beat a candidate
who doesn't read books doesn't deserve to be president
wait--all
is okay, election observers from Yugoslavia are on their way
wait--Bush
wins! Progressive Democrats blame Nader, a few threaten
his pet projects and pets
wait--Gore
wins! Progressive Democrats thank the Nader experiment
for frightening the party into paying attention
wait--we
interrupt every broadcast and anything else you might be doing
to announce there is absolutely nothing new to announce
wait--a
majority of 8-year-olds around the country have called a
do-over: elections will be rerun, electoral college abolished,
both
parties will have to give us a better choice.
##
* * *
ALCHEMY
They've
done it--invented some old machines
able to turn a Gore vote into a Bush win
with only a few hanging chads left to show the children.
It's tough to make love while Republicans
prognosticate an obnoxious assembly line--
but we manage.
They haven't learned yet how to take away
this full body vibration of exquisite moan.
Meanwhile, the hacks are in the back room
with the Unpresident
devising all night new ways to Undo the Done.
##
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